What Took Me So Long?
My continuous dream and commitment is to be a vibrant playground for all the inner children of the humans I’m fortunate to meet as I traverse our beautiful Earth. I want to immerse myself in the traditions, rituals and behaviors that unite us as a species - in this and all the dimensions. My fallback dream, the dream of dreams, is to be part of the movement of humans who are in the forefront of reestablishing the balance on this planet.
There’s an open debate about my birth between my mother and father, but one of the few facts that are agreed upon are that I was born one 18th of March in a cold early morning in Sweden. Questions and more questions roaming my head made my childhood a continuous journey to find meaning. Is this as good as it gets? Why even try to enjoy life on earth if all of us will die one day anyways?
As a child, I recognize now, I was extremely curious about human sexuality. I remember feeling shame when my teacher, who had access to the books that I borrowed from the library, told my mother and father during the evaluation talks that Sebastian was very much into the human body and how it worked. This was the first time I felt that my privacy had been breached. I was 10, pre-puberty and curious.
In high school, my brain was filled with the struggle of existing in this weird privileged bubble of suburban Stockholm that I was born into. My father told me once that I won the lottery of life. The schooling system didn’t excite me or keep me present; all I was thinking about was ‘When is the next time I will leave Sweden to travel with my family?’
My wake-up moment was when my mom helped me to go to the US to study as an exchange student in a small town in northern New York State for a year. Not the best year of my life, but it served as the first moment in my life where I started taking decisions, fully, by myself. What to wear? What sports to do? My creativity and desire to create was manifested in a vintage-jeans-making project that me and my Austrian exchange student friend Stephan launched. We used blow torch, scissors, bleach and our minds to re-imagine recycled denim’s appearance and style.
My identity was shaped by my privilege and the lack of belief that I was in control of my own destiny. I did not thrive in School, socially, I felt, and I was often misunderstood due to my high energy. At age 14 my parents hired a semi-professional runner to take me running on Sunday’s to release all that energy inside of me. Actually, that’s the story I have told myself. Perhaps I asked them to find me a running partner? Who knows.
My rebirth back into nature was during my year long military service up in the North of Sweden at age 18, where I served as a ranger of the Swedish Special Forces Mountain Battalion. Extremely cold, dark and at first hostile, nature opened up this portal of strength within me where my entire belief system flipped and I transformed my struggle to cope with the military structure, harsh environment and mental implosion to a place of understanding that I can push my mind, body and spirit far beyond what I thought was possible.
The first time I made love to life and to myself was at my first ayahuasca ceremony, six years ago in Mexico. Life on earth is a great mystery! All my experiences leading up to this moment had prepared me to challenge everything I thought I knew, deep-dive into my subconscious, and connect with the life-force in the universe.
HALF A LIFE ON THE ROAD
The 20s was the beginning of the journey that led to me becoming a nomadic human. After the military, I bought an around-the-world ticket with the money I received when graduating for my public service. 18 stops were planned during 4 months, and then I was supposed to go back to Sweden to study Business and Economics at a top University. My point of no return was when I met this crazy, dodgy Scottish businessman through my sister’s girlfriend in LA. He offered me to come and work for as his executive assistant in Beijing on a project with the Chinese government to fight counterfeit products in China. [Add about your nomadic life]
At one point in my early 20s I had a conversation with my father about love. He made the statement that at some points during his life he had been in love with two women at the same time. I had a very narrow definition of love; a problematic conundrum where I believed that I only had one chance to fully give love to another human, and if I would tell someone that I loved them and it didn’t work out I would have a diminishing chance of feeling love every moment after that.
For the last decade, I have been exploring my concept of infinite love and how I can give and share love together with all the people whom I meet and spend time with. Time is not a solid indicator of the connection you can feel with another human; your ability to be present, share light and give birth continuously to your inner child are better indicators.
WHo IS SEBASTIAN?
I’m still in the beginning journey of slowly opening my eyes to discover who I really am. It’s a tedious bardo; the taller the tree of knowledge grows, the more work and effort you need to put in to ground into your roots. I once wrote I’m squeezing my brain like lemon in search for cosmic truth.
I found myself in Somalia, partially. I found myself while free-diving, partially. Am I fully expressed right now? No. I fluctuate with my commitment to self-discovery. I have a problem making absolute statements or having an opinion in discussions and debates. I feel muted, disconnected and often confused with where I am going and if I am doing enough to honor my commitment to this earth; to nature and myself. I often feel complacent and lazy. B-product feelings of being born with a silver spoon.
Life has led me to become a filmmaker, a yogi, a free diver, a camel milk smuggler East and West, a guitar and drum carrier, and a student of the realms and teachings of shamanic work. Now, I am bringing all of them together as the main pillars of the Inner Child Institute (yes that’s right!). The purpose of the institute is to connect people deeper with themselves, the nature that surrounds and hold them, and to release our inner child as a way of expanding our consciousness.
My driving force in this world is to unite our species to recognize that we are all distant relatives, connected through our long linage of nomads on this Earth, and that it is our responsibility to be in balance with all the sentient beings who also inhabit the blue planet.